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Kyle loves going to the playground. Probably most kids his age do.

I used to like going to the playground with him…until lately.

The usual playground we went to was fine till he got spat on by another child. It's tough to be in that child's parent's shoes at that moment, but I was irate nonetheless when it happened to Kyle. I quickly cleaned Kyle up while I waited for the parent to prompt the child to apologise to Kyle or turn to me with an apology, but there was none forthcoming, except an exasperated look on the parent's face. The parent went on berating the child loudly, then the child took off into a distance while the exasperated parent went after her.

The child and parent were chinese nationals by the way. I am not one who will start ranting about our government's immigration policies but it still shocked me how some parents (regardless of their nationality) fail to take their child in hand and address the misbehaviour at that moment.

So I am always standing at the sidelines watching Kyle, sometimes barking instructions to him, making sure that he is safe and does not show aggressiveness and is polite to other kids. 

That experience did not turn him or me off visiting playgrounds in malls or hdb estates, but lately another experience at the playground in our estate make me feel quite nervous about bringing him to the playground.

It was our first time at our estate's playground.

He saw 2 older kids playing, a boy who was likely in 6 or 7 with his older sister who was 9 or 10, whose grandma just left them to play by themselves.. Being quite a sociable child, Kyle will normally approach other kids in the playground, say hi and introduce himself, then ask if they could play together. Everything seemed to be going well until they started playing tag around the playground. The boy and his sister, who were older and more agile easily dodge Kyle's clumsy attempts to tag them, climbed onto the playground structure and started chanting this in unison, taunting Kyle as he tried to chase them, "Little pig, little pig, you are so slow, you can't chase me."

Maybe I am being overly sensitive, but I cannot tolerate name-calling amongst children. I took offence at the word 'pig' that they used, not that I have to take kosher or halal food for religious reasons. I love my minced pork, xiao long paus, barbeque pork, tau yew bak and all. But I think that kids who are older really should not be calling a younger child names, mocking him just because he seemed slower or less agile than they are. 

Maybe it is just childish banter, but for me, it is pure lack of respect for individual differences and plain bad manners.

So what I did I do? I just kept quiet, watching nervously at the sidelines, as I realised that Kyle was oblivious to the name calling and was still having fun.

Until the play got disrupted by another 9 or 10 year old boy who came to join them at the playground and cajoled the younger boy to stop his play with Kyle and play with him. The younger boy said, "I am playing catching with him (referring to Kyle)." While the older boy's reply was, "But he is so small…" With that, the younger boy just ran off with the older one without saying a word to Kyle. While I spotted the  disappointment in my son's eyes.

It is heartbreaking to see him get disappointed or hurt but I need him to deal with situations like these. I will intervene if he looks like if he is going to be hurt by another child or if he is going to be physically aggressive, but otherwise I keep my butt glued to the bench.

I waited for him to walk back to me and and he stayed really quiet throughout. I only said this to him when we were walking away from the playground, "Some boys are like that. We need to tell our friends that we are going to stop playing and not just walk away without saying a word or even saying goodbye. It is not nice and not polite."

I told hb about the whole incident and his response was, "The boys who live in private estates are usually very bratty," that's coming from someone who spent his pre-teen and teen years growing up in a condo.

I am still hoping to spot that little boy that is about the same age as Kyle each time I sneak glances at the playground whenever we are downstairs. Maybe another day I will muster enough courage to bring him to the playground when he asks for it. Until then, we will be contented cycling or taking walks around the estate in the evenings.

I miss the playground at our old home, sometimes, we may encounter that errant kid who spits but at least we don't get kids like that. 

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If you have been to the indoor playground in Paragon, you will notice that it can get quite crowded and rowdy with kids on most days, especially the weekends. It is quite common to see children jostling over one another to get up the play structure, and then scrambling over one another in the tunnel to get to the slides. It was only barely about 8 months back that I allowed K to explore this playground, as I felt there was always too many children at one time. Besides, I wanted him to be able to manage by himself, as most kids tend to get a little rough when they get excited during play.

So yesterday afternoon when we went to Paragon for lunch, K spent time in the playground but unfortunately became a victim of the 'Playground Police'. The 'Playground Police' came in the form of two moms. Mom number 1 who was hovering around her daughter, who was about the same age as K. The little girl climb into the tunnel leading to the slides and parked herself inside in there, caused a small bottleneck and the rest of the children behind her could not get to the other side. K being smaller than some of the older children, figured that there might be some space for him to squeeze inside. So he squeezed in behind her and tried to crawl to the other side of the tunnel. Mom number 1 stared at him fiercely and say, "You, naughty!". And then continued hovering her daughter, who was oblivious to what has happened. 

Mom number 2 had a two year old son which she allowed the boy to walk up the slides, when other children were coming down from the top of the slide. When it came to K's turn, on his way down, the mom shouted loudly to K, "Don't push!" Then for the next 10 minutes, she was looking quite angry while hovering over her child at the same time.

The whole time, I was standing about 30 metres away from the playground, watching K from a distance. I got rather irate after K's encounter with the 'Playground Police,' but at the moment when it happened, I chose not to interfere, as I know that I will probably be quite sarcastic to both moms. I cannot fathom what goes through these mother's minds when they bring their kids to the playground.

For Mom number 1, it seems that she did not notice that her child caused a bottleneck in the playground and was quick to come too her child's aid, and assumed that another child cause physical hurt to her child. Why over-react when there wasn't even a slightest squeak from her child? As for Mom number 2, slides are good to climb up only when there are no other children sliding down from the top. Why start blaming on some other child, when you child is in fact causing an obstruction?

When I asked K during lunch if he was scolded by 'aunties' when he was in playground, his reply was 'No.' I made my point. Obviously coming to the aid of your child and scolding the 'perpetrator' has totally no impact on the latter. The latter does not even understand the consequence of what has happened, as there was no intention of causing harm in the first place.

K has got his fair share of being pushed and shoved when we were there a couple of months back. He got pushed by two kids at separate occasions, pick himself up after the first push, but he started to cry after the second push when he fell hard on his knees on the metal play structure. Did I go after the 2 children that pushed him? Obviously not. Children being children, it is in their nature to get a little rough when they play. Besides I want K to learn how to pick himself up after a fall, and not to be quick to blame others when things happen to him. Most importantly, learn to stand up for himself and tell the other child not to push.

Over-protectiveness is not a good thing. Children need to guided and learn to manage conflict and not expect their parents to be around to handle situations for them all the time.

What will you have done if you were in my shoes? Will you approach the parent for maligning your child or would have done the same thing as I did?

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