A rebel without a cause

July 27, 2010 · By ·

days4

Every parent have days when their child is defiant, challenges your authority and is plain disobedient. And I have been experiencing quite a number of days like these for the past few days.

I can't determine it is an attempt to get attention from me, or simply stems from his need to test his boundaries, he just refuses to take "No" as an answer. One days when he is a little more reasonable, he will try to reason it out with me. He reasons, provides lots of excuses, argues his point of view and when he realises that he will not be able to get his way, he ends it with a loud sigh and exclaims "Oh man…"

days2

During other instances when he is feeling obstinate, when I tell him to stop his misbehaviour, he will display an expression of arrogance and refute with the words, "I will still do it!" I can get a series of varying responses, ranging from argumentative to obstinate, especially when there is someone else (other than dh) present.

It's strange how he is testing his boundaries whenever there is someone else present, as he is usually well-behaved when he is with me or when we are with dh. It's like as if having that additional person around somehow gives him that license to mis-behave. It could likely be that these bad habits are picked up from school or somehow he is getting a wrong message from somewhere that it is accepted behaviour in social situations.

Reasoning, time-out and taking away priviledges has little effect on him, so I am for this method. I am sure there will be many parents out there who will frown on this method of discipline, since spanking nowadays can be considered child abuse in some countries. However my question to them will be that, is your child strong-willed and obstinate? Or have you raised a strong-willed child, who has proven him/herself to be a disciplined and well-behaved teen, all without the use of spanking as a form of discipline in their early years? Until I find someone who have proven that they have brought up a strong-willed child well without using this discipline method, then I will re-evaluate my methods of discipline.

Unlike how dh and I were disciplined by our parents in our childhood, there will be no ranting or screaming, no harsh or hurtful words, only controlled spanking and then followed by calm explanation to why he was spanked, how much he is loved, and how to keep from being spanked in the future. The use of the paddle probably needs to be tapered off when he reaches nine or so.  I don't want to reach a point of regret 10-15 years for now for not enforcing obedience in my child and have to deal the heartache of managing a disobedient and rebellious teen. If K can show such defiance and disobedience at his age, I cannot imagine how he will be like if I do not discipline him. 

That's the harsh reality of parenting, it can sometimes get painful for the child and even more so for the parent.

No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it – Hebrews 12:11

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Playground police

April 15, 2010 · By ·

If you have been to the indoor playground in Paragon, you will notice that it can get quite crowded and rowdy with kids on most days, especially the weekends. It is quite common to see children jostling over one another to get up the play structure, and then scrambling over one another in the tunnel to get to the slides. It was only barely about 8 months back that I allowed K to explore this playground, as I felt there was always too many children at one time. Besides, I wanted him to be able to manage by himself, as most kids tend to get a little rough when they get excited during play.

So yesterday afternoon when we went to Paragon for lunch, K spent time in the playground but unfortunately became a victim of the 'Playground Police'. The 'Playground Police' came in the form of two moms. Mom number 1 who was hovering around her daughter, who was about the same age as K. The little girl climb into the tunnel leading to the slides and parked herself inside in there, caused a small bottleneck and the rest of the children behind her could not get to the other side. K being smaller than some of the older children, figured that there might be some space for him to squeeze inside. So he squeezed in behind her and tried to crawl to the other side of the tunnel. Mom number 1 stared at him fiercely and say, "You, naughty!". And then continued hovering her daughter, who was oblivious to what has happened. 

Mom number 2 had a two year old son which she allowed the boy to walk up the slides, when other children were coming down from the top of the slide. When it came to K's turn, on his way down, the mom shouted loudly to K, "Don't push!" Then for the next 10 minutes, she was looking quite angry while hovering over her child at the same time.

The whole time, I was standing about 30 metres away from the playground, watching K from a distance. I got rather irate after K's encounter with the 'Playground Police,' but at the moment when it happened, I chose not to interfere, as I know that I will probably be quite sarcastic to both moms. I cannot fathom what goes through these mother's minds when they bring their kids to the playground.

For Mom number 1, it seems that she did not notice that her child caused a bottleneck in the playground and was quick to come too her child's aid, and assumed that another child cause physical hurt to her child. Why over-react when there wasn't even a slightest squeak from her child? As for Mom number 2, slides are good to climb up only when there are no other children sliding down from the top. Why start blaming on some other child, when you child is in fact causing an obstruction?

When I asked K during lunch if he was scolded by 'aunties' when he was in playground, his reply was 'No.' I made my point. Obviously coming to the aid of your child and scolding the 'perpetrator' has totally no impact on the latter. The latter does not even understand the consequence of what has happened, as there was no intention of causing harm in the first place.

K has got his fair share of being pushed and shoved when we were there a couple of months back. He got pushed by two kids at separate occasions, pick himself up after the first push, but he started to cry after the second push when he fell hard on his knees on the metal play structure. Did I go after the 2 children that pushed him? Obviously not. Children being children, it is in their nature to get a little rough when they play. Besides I want K to learn how to pick himself up after a fall, and not to be quick to blame others when things happen to him. Most importantly, learn to stand up for himself and tell the other child not to push.

Over-protectiveness is not a good thing. Children need to guided and learn to manage conflict and not expect their parents to be around to handle situations for them all the time.

What will you have done if you were in my shoes? Will you approach the parent for maligning your child or would have done the same thing as I did?

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Sleep training an almost 3 year old

January 27, 2010 · By ·

Last night. I decided that enough is enough. K has been waking up too many times at night and too dependent on my helper to help him to sleep. I told myself that it is time to do whatever I can to get K to learn to sleep on his own.

When K was about 8 months old, I attempted sleep training but failed miserably, as I just was not determined enough. After that I decided to drop sleep training and hope that one day K will just grow out of it. Unfortunately, I soon realised that bad habits that are formed will never be grown out of.

I knew that I have to nip this problem in the bud and address it now, before it gets even harder as he grows older.

In the evening, I told K that I will be helping him to learn how to sleep by himself. I told him that learning to sleep by himself is like learning how to feed himself, dress himself or riding the bicycle. All he has to do is to close his eyes, be quiet, not think about anything and go to sleep, I further added that only babies need to be pat to sleep.

We started at 10.00 p.m. After reading through 4 books together, I turned off the lights, said our prayers and tuck him into bed. I sat at the end of the bed, and did not respond to him when he talked to me. He started with, “Want to pang sai,” then went on to “Thirsty, want water.” Then continued with several other excuses. When he realised that he was not going to get any response from me, the bawling started. Then came frustrated ‘arghhs’, along with coughing and mock vomiting for the next half an hour. He then decided to sleep half an hour later.

It took a total of 1 hour last night. I think I had it easy last night as he was tired out by a whole host of activities earlier that evening; a short game of tennis with grand-dad, he rode his bicycle with Uncle Nick and even went to catch frogs with grand-dad.

I do hope things get better the next few nights. Although I am prepared that things do sometimes get worse before it gets better. All K needs to know is that I. will. not. budge.

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