I have been deliberating alot these couple of days. This happens to me alot when we are near to the closing of a year.

Thinking about whether I can do without a helper at home. Usually most people get better on the job with more experience, but it does not happen with my helper. She is probably too distracted about things with her own children in her hometown to listen to what I have to say. Like I cannot fathom how ‘Marcaroni’ can sound like ‘Char Kway Teow.’ Then when I say that she needs to listen carefully, she gives me attitude like as if I am the one who said the wrong thing in the first place. Lately, there have been lots of mistakes and lots of attitude from her. I really wonder who needs this arrangement more, her or I?

Will be possible for me to do without a helper at home? She does relieved alot of K’s basic caregiving and the household chores. And I do pity her as she is a single mother and needs the income. I will probably keep her till her contract ends in 2011, so I just have to be more tolerant, start to be less dependent on her help and start teaching K to be more independent from now on.

So as to ensure that K learns to be less dependent on the helper, I will have to start looking for alternatives to keep K busy in the day time. Homeschooling works out well for some days, but not for most. Generally K only does these sessions once or twice a week. Most other times, he just want to do pretend play with things that he is familiar with, play with his toys or meet up his friends. K is becoming quite a sociable child as he enjoys the company of other children his age.

So the next easier alternative to start K with pre-nursery next year, the most twice a week. I figured that this will be a good introduction to having to attend school regularly. Still a little apprehensive about starting school, as he has little interest for structured activities and I am concerned that he will imitate bad habits/behaviour from other children. Besides, I have come to a conclusion that preschool is generally catered to the girls in class or quiet and compliant boys. As most of them have little problems doing seatwork; concentrating on activities like craft, colouring, worksheets, etc.

I am still looking for the ideal one that has play-based programme and can give him a jump-start in learning mandarin. Still making a point to speak mandarin to him at home, however I find myself lapsing back into English which I am more comfortable speaking. So looks like I have got to get more quality chinese books for him.

As for my future plans to have another child? I am still keeping it for a maybe future, as I know I am not mentally prepared for another huge responsibility. Haven’t quite forgotten the trauma of my previous pregnancy (my pregnancy with K was not an easy one, was hospitalised 3x during the 36.5 weeks), as well as the challenge of taking care of an infant in the first year. Besides I know with the arrival of a second one, there will be some time sacrificed with K. So baby number 2 has to wait. Like what K says when dh asks him if he wants a mei mei or didi, “Me older first.” Besides I need another excuse when K gets older, to not to go back to work

So what will be keeping me busy on those days when K goes to school? Suppose it will be more me-time to read, surf the net, explore new recipes and study the bible (maybe enrolling myself in BSF or getting involve in my church’s women ministry?)

Well, 2010 will likely be a year of new beginnings for K and myself.

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