Recently I met someone whom I haven't seen for 10 years or so and I overheard this comment when I was speaking to someone else in the group. (Yes…my hearing is extremely acute, thanks to my 15 years of music training and this hearing ability kind of makes up for my short-sightedness). She asked the person next to her what I was doing at this moment, and the person replied that I am a SAHM. Her response was, "Yes, usually first-time moms tend to be like that."
Tend to be like what I wonder. She is a full time working mom of two, so it is quite interesting how she puts it that way.
I am quite used to comments like that when people find out that I do not have a full-time job. I even heard comments like, "Why do that? You are at the prime of your life. So wasted!" Is it a waste that I am not putting in 12 hours, 5 days a week of my marketing / budget planning/ organisational/ management / negotiation/ general worker skills to help a multinational firm make money for the shareholders? Or it is a waste that I am not earning my keeps and getting the financial independence like all wise women of this generation should?
Usually my response to a comment like that will be, "I have discovered that my calling in life is to be a SAHM." There always be an awkward silence after. I am not sure if they realise that their highly paid, full-time jobs are not really their calling in life, or that they just realise that this women is not too intelligent, so it probably be a waste of their time to comment further.
It is normal how society places these two groups of women; one of the working mom and the other of the SAHM, on the material balance scale and then decide that the role of working mom is of greater value than of a SAHM mom, who do not contribute to the househole income. Indeed it is not easy to work full time and come back home to try to manage a household and discipline / spend time with a child. But what about intrinsic value that a full time mom contributes to the society? With more moms taking the stay at home path these recent years, there will likely be fewer rebellious teens or juvenile delinquents in about 10 – 15 years down the road.
Gone are the days when housewives just take care of the household, cook for the family and take care of the children's and husband's needs. Most of the SAHMs that I know are well-educated, well-read, knowledgeable and are talented in their own unique ways. And we make this choice, with the desire to want to nurture our children full-time and be always there for the family, fully aware of the flak we get from society. Regardless of the society's myopic perception, these SAHMs could likely be nurturing the future leaders, professionals, scholars, artists and atheletes of this nation. So how about the value in that? It will be nice if we get treated with a little more respect for making this choice to be a SAHM.
To each their own. I am just a mom who has decided that staying at home taking care of my child is my calling in life and I have been blessed to be given a chance to pursue my passion.
Kudos to all the fellow SAHMs for making this choice for their lives. And cheers to not to have to feel depressed on Sunday evenings thinking about another long week at work!