A Letter to my son

March 17, 2012 · By ·

Dear Kyle,

As I watched you slumber so soundly next to dad, it still feels so surreal that you have been in our lives for almost half a decade. The day when I first laid my eyes on u and held you in my arms did not seem so long ago.

When I first knew that I was pregnant with you, it was unexpected. I was not ready to be pregnant, must less to be a mom. I was ambitious in my career and enjoyed my lifestyle, so I felt mixed emotions knowing that I was pregnant. I could not determine if I was truly joy that I experienced knowing that I was carrying a life in me, but apprehension was clear, as I did not know what to expect with this change in my life.

When u finally arrived in this world on this day 5 years ago, a sea of emotions washed over me, my apprehension disappeared and I was overwhelmed by the warm feelings of love and a strange sense of protectiveness.

The first few years of your life was difficult for me. You were a difficult infant and toddler, one who was extremely picky with food and barely slept through the night despite my utmost effort to train you. So I made the choice to stop full time work, to be with you most of the time and did not miss any key milestone moments in your development.

You are a joy and a blessing to your dad and I. Sometimes I may get a little caught up in the pressures and the busyness of life that I forget to tell u that I love u. You, on the other hand, do not forget and will always tell me "I love you Mommy." when I tuck you into bed.

Never mind that you had temper tantrums this evening, after a long and exciting day with your friends. You are always so insistent and determine, sometimes in the wrong way. However, mom will forget these not so good days and your tantrums very quickly.

Nonetheless, mom is reminded that her role as your mother is not to raise a good rule-following child, but a God-following adult. I do hope this insistence and determination that u have, as you become an adult, you will be just as insistent and determined enough to follow the purpose that God has for u. 

Most of all my son, do not forget to love. Love always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love God with all heart and love your neighbour as yourself. Do always remember to treat others with compassion, patience, kindness and respect.  

Happy Birthday my dearest son. Thank u for reminding me how to love, how to be contented with the simple things in life, how to be carefree and how to trust. Thank you for bringing so much joy and blessings into our lives.

Love always,

Mommy 

 

P.S.

You are still welcomed to bunk over and sleep with Daddy and Mommy on certain nights, as long as you do not grow too big and there is still space for us on the bed to sleep comfortably. Do note that I said certain nights and not every night.

 

 

 

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Categorized: His World, Mom's Musings ·

We are not so different

March 14, 2012 · By ·

I met Rosa last Thursday.

And Kyle met David at the pool at Nana’s apartment. She was a friendly lady and I started a conversation with her, while we watched the boys play together in the children’s pool.

From our conversation, I found out that Rosa is a Korean and she is only here for a month to visit her hb who is a civil engineer working on the SMRT Downtown line. Rosa stays in Vancouver with her 2 other daughters and her MIL, and she only gets to spend some time with her hb thrice a year. Her hb’s job stints only last 3 to 4 years, and her family used to move from country to country with him.

After speaking to her for almost an hour, I asked if she would want to meet me this week to go out together, so that the boys can spend some time together. It was my first time doing something like that with a mom that I perceived to be a little different, as she was of a different nationality and age. I felt a little jittery that I will end up embarrassing myself for asking. But I felt compelled to ask her, when I found out she has no friends here, and while her hb is works in the day, she has been taking the bus on some days with David explore some place in Singapore. 

She was rather surprised when I asked, but told me that she would really like it. We exchanged mobile numbers, and her sms to me that evening after we parted ways was, "It was nice talking to u and thank you so much for your kindness."

I was rather surprised to have read that from the SMS, nevertheless, I was glad to see her appreciation. I was heartened that this first attempt at being slightly more thick-skinned than usual, to be willing to inconvenience my schedule a little for the week, and be a friend to someone I barely knew, seem to started on a positive note.

So Kyle and I met David and Rosa this morning, I brought them to Suntec City to check out the new play area and the boys had a great time.

Rosa and I chatted during lunch and shared about our lives, while the boys kept themselves occupied in the play room.

Then I realised that we are not so different after all.

Despite some cultural differences; she eats rice and sweet potatoes for breakfast, and then rice for  lunch and dinner, and must have Kim Chee at every meal. We shared some similarities towards some of our priorities in life.

I found out that as she moved around so much with her hb the last 20 years that all her kids are born in different countries, David in Vancouver, her teenage daughter in Kuwait and the oldest child who is of college age, is born in Korea. She became so tired moving around that she decided that she needed to give her kids some permanence in a home where they could grow up secure and build friendships. So 6 years ago, she made the choice to get a PR in Vancouver, and not return to Korea, for the sake of her kids.

It was a brave move. But it didn’t matter that she had to build a new life in a new country, learn a new language, get a new English name for herself and make new friends. Making these changes have been worthwhile. Her two daughters are now well adjusted and have a good education in Vancouver.

She expressed surprise that a mom who was 8 years younger than she is and someone who is of different culture will have so much similarities in our attitudes towards life. I told her that ultimately, we want the best for our children and our families. Sometimes we need to take the brave step to make a choice in our lives, a choice that might shake the security in our lives a little. Changes that require some sacrifices on our own lives and dreams, but it gets all worthwhile when we see that our children are secure and well adjusted.

I encouraged her that she needed to start thinking a little more about her own life, since David is growing up, and soon she would have more time on her hands. Consider taking classes in recreational centres in Vancouver, learn how to use the internet, maybe starting a blog and meet like-minded moms through online communities, or join a church fellowship group. Maybe even starting a hobby to cultivate an interest, or pursue a passion that can fuel a new business idea.

Although we make these sacrifices along the way, does not mean that our aspirations for our kids take over and there is no place for our own. Our aspirations do not die, instead, dreams only get re-aligned, particularly when we meet certain crossroads or life challenges.

All it needs is that different set of lens to perceive our lives, and each change that we encounter simply means that it opens up a whole lot of new possibilities for us.

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Categorized: Hope, Mom's Musings ·

The problem with pain

February 6, 2012 · By ·

I have been thinking alot about my journey of life the past couple of weeks.

Life for me, is categorised into the different feelings that I experienced through this journey thus far. The joyful moments, the triumphant moments and the poignant moments. There are probably many other feelings in between, but it is kind of hard to express all of it in words.

I have recorded so much of the joyful and triumphant moments.in this blog, alot of it revolving around my role as a mother, but how about the poignant moments? I used to not want to talk about it at all in my blog, as I felt that all I want to remember the happy and memorable memories, and not the poignant ones. It is so typical of me to go through life in the hectic-ness of, to brush away poignant feelings, thinking that it is not worth remembering…and to say to myself "move along, nothing to look at."

The poignant state that I am in at this point in my life seems to be hovering in a state of suspension.

Is pain really a necessity in our lives? Unfortunately it is. Why? Only with pain can we realise how wretched we are, and how we can't go through life alone. I can't put it as aptly as C.S Lewis on why pain is necessary in our lives.

From The Problem of Pain, by C.S. Lewis :

"If the first and lowest operation of pain shatters the illusion that all is well, the second shatters the illusion that what we have, whether good or bad in itself, is our own and enough for us.  Everyone has noticed how hard it is to turn our thoughts to God when everything is going well with us.   We 'have all we want' is a terrible saying when 'all' does not include God.  We find God an interruption.  As St Augustine says somewhere, 'God wants to give us something, but cannot, because our hands are full – there's nowhere for Him to put it.'  Or as a friend of mine said, 'We regard God as an airman regards his parachute;  it's there for emergencies but he hopes he'll never have to use it.'  Now God, who has made us, knows what we are and that our happiness lies in Him.  Yet we will not seek it in Him as long as He leaves us any other resort where it can even plausibly be looked for.  While what we call 'our own life' remains agreeable we will not surrender it to Him.  What then can God do in our interests but make 'our own life' less agreeable to us, and take away the plausible source of false happiness?  It is just here, where God's providence seems at first to be most cruel, that the Divine humility, the stooping down from the Highest, most deserves praise.  We are perplexed to see misfortune falling upon decent, inoffensive, worthy people – on capable, hard-working mothers of families or diligent, thrifty little tradespeople, on those who have worked so hard, and so honestly, for their modest stock of happiness and now seem to be entering on the enjoyment of it with the fullest right."

"Let me implore the reader to try to believe, if only for the moment, that God, who made these deserving people, may really be right when He thinks that their modest prosperity and the happiness of their children are not enough to make them blessed:  that all this must fall from them in the end, and that if they have not learned to know Him they will be wretched.  And therefore He troubles them, warning them in advance of an insufficiency that one day they will have to discover.  The life to themselves and their families stands between them and the recognition of their need; He makes that life less sweet to them.  I call this a Divine humility because it is a poor thing to strike our colours to God when the ship is going down under us; a poor thing to come to Him as a last resort, to offer up 'our own' when it is no longer worth keeping.  If God were proud He would hardly have us on such terms:  but He is not proud, He stoops to conquer, He will have us even though we have shown that we prefer everything else to Him, and come to Him because there is 'nothing better' now to be had.  The same humility is shown by all those Divine appeals to our fears which trouble high-minded readers of Scripture.  It is hardly complimentary to God that we should choose Him as an alternative to Hell:  yet even this He accepts.  The creature's illusion of self-sufficiency must, for the creature's sake, be shattered; and by trouble or fear of trouble on earth, by crude fear of the eternal flames, God shatters it 'unmindful of His glory's diminution'."

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