Tick tock, just another 10 more minutes to 12, and the production factory will close permanently.
I have been thinking lately, a little too often, about having a No.2 child.
It is so difficult, with so many changes, financial insecurities at home to even think that it will be possible to get Kyle a sibling.
Wise family members tell me, “Better not to have another one, it’s so expensive, can you even afford it?” It is good advice and the rational mind tells me it is out of the question with our present situation now. But the heart thinks otherwise.
The heart even ignores the potentials that comes along with the desire; the pregnancy + newborn + attention + time + money needed.
Hb says it is the biological clock in me that is talking. I tell hb that I missed Kyle when he was younger, and that now he is not as cute as he used to be. All hb does is to announce really loudly to Kyle, “Mommy says that you are not cute anymore.” and the boy will rush to my arms and give me a bear hug.
Have decided that I will leave this to God, He will give when it is His will for me to have another child. In the meantime, will be psyching myself up everyday that life is a lot easier being a mom of one.
Maybe getting a furry baby with four legs and a waggly tail might be a good alternative?
I was deliberating on my #2 for a while too… In the end, we took the plunge, and my X was born a year ago. Now… I cannot imagine life without him! Haha… but I guess that is true for all our kids! 😉
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Rachel Reply:
April 9th, 2012 at 2:20 pm
I think it is easier to make the decision when one is not paralyzed but other factors. Waiting for that day to happen for me…
Hi Rach,
I know how you feel, my boy is also 5-year-old like Kyle and once in a while, I also feel like giving him a sibling too. But I don’t want to give up my career and I don’t want my kids to grow-up in childcare environment (I’m not saying that childcare is not good but I just don’t like the idea).
He enjoys going to school in the morning, spend the afternoon at his grandparents home before we come home. I want him to grow-up in a home-environment, with love and care from all of us. My PIL is already in their 60’s, so it’s hard for them to take care of another baby for us.
I attended a baby shower party yesterday, and another two of my colleagues will be giving birth mid this year. But I’m still not convinced to have # 2. I told the Hubby that I’m really happy with just one child. I can spend all my time and attention on him.
With # 2, there will be a lot of stress and we may not be happier too. So, I’m taking it naturally now. In the mean time, let’s enjoy our freedom of being a mom-of-one!
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Rachel Reply:
April 9th, 2012 at 2:27 pm
It’s a dilemma isn’t it, especially for a working mom. I understand how tough it is especially when we are limited by resources, either with help or money. I was like u for a long time, eversince Kyle was born, and I was convinced that I wanted to be a mom of one as well. However at the same time, I am still thankful that I have a lot more time for myself + hb, since one child does not require all my time. So will let nature take its course!
I think it’s good to give my kid a sibling so that she will have a companion to share the burden or go through life’s tough moments when we are old or not around. Simply cos I cannot going through all these without my siblings… But of course to achieve that it is certainly not easy.
i’ve been having this thought for a few months now myself… for the longest time (my girl is coming 4 in july) I’ve always been very sure that I want only 1 child. like you there are so many factors to think about, the cost, the time, the nurting, and having to make sacrifices in resources between the 2. there are days when I’m so sure I want.. but there are days when I wonder how would I cope with 2. I’m a single child myself and I do understand the burden of being an only child. it’s not so much the loneliness cos honestly there are friends, cousins, playdates etc… it’s the burden of being the only child to my parents. of having to shoulder the responsiblity all on my shoulder. having no alternatives, and giving up many opportunites in life because of the burden of being an only child. eg I gave up job prospects of overseas postings because I couldn’t leave my mom alone (my parents are divorced). I can’t bitch about my unreasonable mom to another sibling… so i wonder if I want my child to be in the same shoes as me. would she resent me when i become old and grumpy… would it be better if she had someone that could share her burden.
unlike many kids her age, my daughter never once asked for a sibling. and when I ask her if she wanted a little brother or sister, her answer would always be no. she wants to be the only baby. hahaha…
and lately there has been some issues with her in school and she comes back and says she doesn’t have friends, etc. and I wonder if a sibling would be better for her emotional growth.
Rachel Reply:
April 26th, 2012 at 8:43 pm
I think having a sibling is always good, compared to having non. But I think being the practical and realistic person that I am, I am coming to terms with the possibility of not having another. If it comes, than I think it will be God’s will, but if not, I will make the best of only having one child. Life is simpler now with one, I am not sure, how it will be with another child.
I chanced upon your blog. When God gives, He provides too.