This week, I have encountered many situations which have taught me that not all perspectives that I adopt can be rationalised. But in certain instances, rationalising does provide some solutions to the challenges that I face constantly or in the areas of parenting a 5 year old.
About Complaints
I am into Day 3 of no complaints. It was a struggle when I first started, but I realised the key to stop complaining is to start seeing complaints rationally. Before I sense a complaint rising, I try to identify if the problem is an irritation or an issue. By identifying this difference helps me to calm down and decide logically, if this is a problem, what are the solutions. And if this is just an irritation, I know that I have to be more flexible, patient and willing to extend grace to the person or the situation.
This has helped me to be less highly strung, more positive for the past 3 days and this experiment has been proven useful in changing my attitude towards people and situations. I cannot tell if I will continue to keep this up, but I think half the battle is won when I am able to rationalise my emotions.
So I have learnt that rationalising the root of complaints will prevent complaints from recurring.
About Failure and Personal Setbacks
Every once in a while, life may throw curve balls at you. Since January, I have been looking for a full-time job, thinking that it will be able to solve the financial issues for the family. In these 3 months, many doors opened but shut very quickly which left me feeling really defeated.
Instead of allowing failure, self-doubt and condemnation to knock me down, I will not allow these things to hold me back and stay down. I have learnt that life is not about avoiding failures and being perfect. It’s about accepting my weaknesses and becoming more dependent on God’s perfect love and His power at work in us.
Instead of being concerned about where the next dollar is coming in, God has been very faithful in providing through my hb, as we have been able to pay bills and loans with some money left over at the end of each month. Many other unexpected doors have opened this last week, opportunities that I did not expect, opportunities that will allow me to keep my WAHM status. At this moment, I am still not certain where these new opportunities will bring me, but I know I will be heading the right direction as long as I follow His lead.
Can I rationalise failure? I think so, as failure might even be the very thing that stretched me to do more than I think I can and push me to try other methods of doing things when one way doesn’t work. Failure can be hurtful, but it can also be beneficial to build resilience and faith.
As for faith, can one rationalise faith? I can but only to myself, as I believe because I want to and proof comes in the many instances that God has pulled me out of deep holes and shown His existence in my personal experiences.
About Life and Death
This is something that Kyle and I rarely talk about since we have not encountered this topic until Monday this week. An extended member of the family passed away on Monday; a great great grandfather from the maternal side of the family whom Kyle has never met.
I approached this subject rather gingerly, but ended rationalising the concept of death as he had little emotional ties with this late extended family member. So, I wasn’t too sensitive about it, when I used an analogy of a piece of fresh chicken being left in the outside to go bad, when he questioned the need for preserving the body.
Apart from that insensitive comparison, I explain why there is a need for funerals, as it is a way to bring closure to friends and family involved, while at the same time, honouring the person who has died. So he did not feel fear or apprehension when we were at the funeral, and it helped when he saw smiling relatives at the funeral. But I do need to revisit this topic again, more sensitively the next time, with the help of picture books.
A reminder to self, the concept of death can still be rationalised with a 5 year old in this instance, but it needs to be taken with more sensitivity.
About Fear
I discovered that fear can spread so quickly amongst moms when our kids safety is being threatened. Our maternal instincts just want to sound the alarm amongst other moms in network to remind them to be vigilant, and watchful of our kids when we are in public places. Some of us get indignant by the lack of precautionary measures by the government, some blame the influx of foreigners, while others get irate how the media takes the situation so lightly.
Instead of trying to change these things that are beyond our control, how about taking control of the situation ourselves and educate our kids? Education is the best defense for a problem of this sort. If teaching your child about the perils of stranger danger is not effective (especially if the child is under 2), watch your kid like a hawk and never let them out of your sight in public places. Or you could simply ignore disapproving looks from other moms by putting your child on a child-leash.
Most men tend to think more rationally when it comes to a problem that needs a solution, do read here to get a father’s perspective. Winston from Blogfathers.sg has incorporated some good ideas in his blog.
So fear can be rationalised in this scenario. Only then one can find solutions to address it.
From this post, u can probably get a glimpse that I am one that thinks too much into things, tend to be more of a rational thinker, than a feeling or sensing thinker. I will make a bad counselor, as I would only want to provide solutions, when sometimes all people want is a listening ear.
I used to dislike personality theories and tests, when taking my psychology minor in the University, as there were too many generalisations and stereotypes created with these tests. However, while writing this post, I realised that each of us will have differing perspectives and varying responses to situations that reflect certain traits of our personality.
So in line with developing stereotypes, I can probably say that I think more like a man (rational, often insensitive), than a woman. If u wish to find out what personality stereotypes you fall into, check this out – Myer Briggs personality test.
I am a INTJ! Do share with me what is your personality type if you have tried out the test.
I’ve taken the test before and I’m an INFJ. So we have some similar traits and are opposites in the thinking/ feeling department. I can be super emo! But I have toned down a fair bit since I had kids. I used to retreat in my cave when I felt emotional. But it’ll be terribly irresponsible of me to throw the kids aside and hide. So having kids can change a person for the better
Good to hear about the open doors. I’m sure God will give you the wisdom and clarity as you continue to seek Him. He is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine (Eph 3:20)
Joce´s last blog post ..A Special Place In My Heart
Rachel Reply:
March 27th, 2012 at 3:00 am
Being a mom does really changes a person, I am so different now vs 6 years ago.
Indeed I truly believe that God will do more than we ask or imagine
I’m ENFP – true to every statement of the personality traits description.
Still reeling from the accuracy. Haha!!
On another note, love this post of your, Rachel… it’s personal, informative and inspiring all at the same time.
Life has its ways of taking us on a crazy roller coaster ride. I personally will *never* willingly (or worse, pay for!) one, but I suppose if push comes to shove – I’ll ride it out and hope that I won’t regurgitate the contents of my stomach!
Ah well – lemons and lemonade and all that.
Rachel Reply:
March 27th, 2012 at 3:02 am
We are almost total opposites!
I always tend to be too lor soh with many of my posts, tend to think too much and have too much to say as well..haha