My status update on Facebook this morning sparked off a small debate on differing opinions about the topic of self-feeding amongst children.
It started off when I saw a grandmother feeding her 6 year old grandson in a local cafe spoonful by spoonful, from the time I sat down on my table for almost 20 minutes until the family left the cafe. I then posed this question on my status 'Shouldn't self-feeding be encouraged before the kid turns 4 year old? Makes me wonder if the grandmother will be present at the canteen during recess time when the kid goes to primary school…'
I had differing responses from friends. Which varied from pet peeves of seeing maids chasing the kids in their care around in the foodcourt just to feed them, primary school kids still fed by maids, moms getting irate each time the grandparent feed their child to moms who are feeding their 5 year olds and don't plan to stop feeding them till they are able to eat neatly.
A couple of years back I have even heard of one mom who will chase her kid around the playground while feeding the child, and will give the kid a piece of chocolate to tempt the child to eat if he/she refused. Now that is plain wierd, since the chocolate kind of negates whatever good nutrition is being offered in that accompanied meal.
All these just reflect the varied parenting styles that one chooses to adopt for their child.
For domestic help. all they want is to get their job done in the fastest and most efficient way, so teaching a child good habits is least of their priorities. While a grandparent tend to indulgent and pampering, so feeding is perceived as loving and caring for their grandchild. Beside most grandparents are afraid that the child doesn't eat enough or eats too slowly. A busy mum on the other hand, chooses feeding as the best solution to prevent mess and having to chore to clean up.
My take on this?
Hb and I thinks that a child needs to be taught to eat independently, and it has to start at a young age. We both agree that feeding a child does address some short term conveniences, but it does create some habits that are hard to correct in the long run. We are pretty much stern taskmasters when it comes to developing desirable eating habits.
Kyle has learnt to;
– feed himself from 2 years of age. There were still times when he had to be fed below the age of 3, but feeding is a major no no since he has turned 4 years old
– He has to sit at the table at every mealtime, no bringing of food in front of the tv or playing concurrently. There is some flexibility when it comes to watching of tv during mealtimes. He can watch tv, however when he starts eating too slowly or stops when eyes are glued to the tv, the tv will be turned off. So he has since learnt how to multitask. Maybe the solution is to turn off the tv altogether, but it is hard to incorporate a rule like that at home when mom and dad are both dinner time tv watchers :S
– eat with less mess (this takes a bit more time, as it is dependent on the child's fine motor skills development)
– finish all the food given in his plate.
The last point is still a challenge since he is a fussy eater. Until we started taking away the food, and told him that he can go hungry whenever he starts nitpicking on the food. The thought of going hungry makes him rather upset, so he musters up the motivation to go on eating.
It helped when we gave him 0.50 each time he finishes everything on his plate and imposes a fine when he doesn't. These days we have stopped giving him 0.50 cents each time he finishes his food, unless it is a real challenge or it is something that he really doesn't like. He has also started to make excuses like, "I have a stomachache, too-full kind of stomachache not the pass- motion kind." So the fine system remains and the fine is hefty enough for him to want to finish up his food.
It does take effort and discipline on my end to follow through, I tend to want to take the easy way out and go with whatever that is more convenient or more efficient. There is still so much to do when it comes to developing good habits in my child (which I will address in another post soon), however this quote from Charlotte Mason really encourages me to persevere in the area of building good habits.
The habits of the child produce the character of the man, because certain mental habitudes once set up, their nature is to go on for ever unless they should be displaced by other habits. Here is an end to the easy philosophy of, ‘It doesn’t matter,’ ‘Oh, he’ll grow out of it,’ ‘He’ll know better by-and-by,’ ‘He’s so young, what can we expect?’ and so on. Every day, every hour, the parents are either passively or actively forming those habits in their children upon which, more than upon anything else, future character and conduct depend” (Vol. 1, p. 118).
I totally agree that good eating habits must be inculcated from young, or any good habits that we want our children to have should be trained as young as possible. Because habits will form a person’s character as well.
I guess I had it easier that both my children are early self-feeders. I remember we used to let them watch the TV while eating so that they would keep still on their high-chairs but since they turned 3 (my son) and 2.5 (my daughter), we have killed the habit of TV dinners. They have since been eating at the dining table with us until they are done with their dinner.
It took a while to build that habit (I’d say, about 2-3mths) but once the habit has been formed, it became easier even when we are out dining they know they have to sit still to complete their meals before they are allowed to move off from their seat.
I was inspired by Charlotte Mason’s philosophy in building good habits as well. Besides self feeding there are really lots of good habits we have to instill in our kids to adopt as early as possible. It will not only make life easier for us, in the long run, but it’ll be for the benefit of the child as they grow up.
Which brought to mind, a relative of mine, at the age of 20+ (a uni graduate) still expects her mom to serve her dinner on a tray and clear it for her after she’s done. She has learned to “treat” her mom like a maid. I wouldn’t blame her, it’s her mom who inculcated that habit! This is definitely not what I hope to build in my kids!
.-= mamabliss´s last blog ..Happy Call Yummies – Quick and Easy =-.
There is really alot of wisdom from the habits formation philosophy that Charlotte Mason advocates. So much for us to start training our kids. Truly agree that alot of the bad habits that the child develops is indirectly encouraged and inculcated by the mom or the caregiver.
I’m all for building good eating habits and table manners from baby’s first meal. Exceptions are when he’s unwell. Thankfully, my boy loves to eat and has been more than eager to self-feed from his first taste of semi-solid food. Just before 2 years old, he can self-feed rather well.
Yes, we’re all for no TV / toys / unnecessary distractions during meal time.
Plus he must sit on the highchair, be properly strapped up, clean his hands and wear a bib.
No highchair, no strapping up or no bib means no food. Again, this is generally easy cos the boy loves to eat! Phew!
You might want to try ‘weaning’ your child off the high chair. I think the challenge really comes when your child starts to refuse the high chair, want to sit at the table with the adults. Without the strap on a normal chair, there is this temptation that the child gets to easily wander away from the table. With Kyle, he hated the high chair when he was two, and I had to spend a couple of months training to sit at the table on a normal chair to eat and finish his meal without the restriction of a strap to prevent him from running around.