Academic success = Successful Parenting?

I am tired, tired of hearing about how 'kiasu' Singaporean parents are, and the extend that they go to ensure that they give their child a good headstart (or so they think).  Came across this article a few days on how parents 'queued overnight to get their tots on the 2013 waitlist of a popular Bukit Timah pre-school'.

2013…their tots are like barely a year old now and they are scrambling to secure a place for their child in a preschool. Putting this into perspective, when K was one, I was waiting for him to take his first steps, hear his first word, worrying about his meals (something which I am still doing) and wondering when will he ever reach the milestone of sleeping through the night.

I came across another article recently about 'Why Chinese Mothers are Superior', that highlighted some interesting attitudes among some Chinese parents. The majority believed that "academic achievement reflects successful parenting," and that if children did not excel at school then there was "a problem" and parents "were not doing their job." Inversely, almost 70% of the Western mothers said either that "stressing academic success is not good for children" or that "parents need to foster the idea that learning is fun. There were other studies reflected in the article that "compared to Western parents, Chinese parents spend approximately 10 times as long every day drilling academic activities with their children. By contrast, Western kids are more likely to participate in sports teams."

The next half of the article about how a chinese parent will react when the child gets A- is absolutely horrifying. It might work for the compliant and obedient child, but try it on the strong willed one, who will have the tenacity to battle to the end, and see how it turns out. There is so much about this article that I have to disagree with, especially when there is no mention about the importance of values or consideration of the child's personality. How about natural ability? All children are wired differently, so no matter how much hard work, punishment, rewards, insults etc, will be able to work on some of them who simply do not have what it takes to reach a certain level of achievement.

How about parents with kids who are naturally intelligent and are able to reach high achievements at a young age? They are indeed blessed to have kids like that, but bystanders do need to stop taking their achievements as yardsticks for their own child's achievements, or think that their methods as excellent case studies to use for their own children. Pace of development, environmental influences, personality traits of the child, learning styles etc can vary greatly from child to child.

Sure, I agree that alot of children these days have gone 'soft', they give up too easily and do not have the resolve to finish a task when they are not able to succeed in it. Work ethics are also important, children need to be taught that work will not always be fun all the time and they still need to learn the responsibility to finish what they started. To have the desire to succeed for yourself (and not in comparison or competition to another) is of importance, but at what cost? And what about the process involved in reaching that destination?

Successful parenting is more than just producing children with high academic achievements or high achievers. It is teaching them to show compassion to others, loyalty and integrity, knowing how to deal with failure and have the resolve to pick themselves up and the tenacity to try again. And what matters more than achieving success in life is family and relationships, and knowing how to be content with life. Afterall, success according to the world's standards is always defined in material terms, and in the accumulation of wealth, there will always be something better, bigger, newer and nicer, the never-ending treadmill of going nowhere.

Phillipians 4:11-13.

I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do all this through him who gives me strength.

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