Scenario 1
At K's school, before the kids proceed to the hall for assembly, they will gather at the foyer to wait for the teachers. When we arrive early at 8.15 a.m., Kyle will always meet a group of his schoolmates who come to school by the schoolbus and will mingle with them before the teacher arrives. Being always curious and sociable, he will walk up to some of the older K1 boys who will be comparing their 'Animal Kaiser' cards, and then ask them what types of cards they are looking at, etc. One morning, he approached a K1 boy who didn't take very kindly to his curiousity and questions and was shoved to the side by the latter. K being his persistent self, tried to approach him again and was again pushed by the same boy.
My response : Usually, I stand at a distance to watch how K interacts with his schoolmates, and try not to interfere unless a fight ensues. Thus when I witness the boy pushing K, I gave the boy the fiercest stare that I could muster to let him know that I was watching him. Subsequently when I picked up K from school that morning, I told K to keep away from that boy and not to talk to him at all.
Dh's response : When dh sent K to school a few days later, he noticed that K did not want to mingle with his school mates who were at the foyer and kept really close to him. When he asked K the reason, K explained that a 'big boy' pushed him and also punched him in the stomach (I wonder when that happened). Dh asked K to demonstrate how the boy punched him, and he got really concerned when K demonstrated a relatively strong punch. When dh got home, he contacted K's class teacher to let her know his concerns and she asked for the boy's name, so that she will be able investigate the details. The next day, when I met her when I was picking K up from school, she assured me that she will try to find out and told me the best will be for K to stay away from that boy.
Until today, we still haven't got the boy's name since we haven't been able to meet the same group of school mates in the foyer in the morning.
Scenario 2
Recently at Sunday school, K was recently pushed by a kid in Nursery (Pre-nursery and Nursery kids are in the same class in church) and he fell and hit his mouth on the floor. According to the Sunday School teacher, he bled in his mouth for a while, and by the time we got to pick K up after class, he seemed fine. I checked K's teeth, there was no signs of a potential dislodge, although there was still some bleeding on the gums above his front teeth. I asked K if he felt any pain or discomfort, and his reply was, "Not pain at all."
My response : I brushed it off and told K that he should always wait for his turn and not to push his way to the front. I reminded him that some kids do not like other kids to push their way in front of them or stand too close to them, so he needs to be sensitive to others. I figured the boy probably gave a hard push and K must have lost his balance to have fallen.
Dh's response : When we got to the car ready to leave for lunch, dh saw K's gums and he rushed out of the car. K and I were left in the car waiting for almost half an hour. When he got back, he told me he went back to talk to K's Sunday School teacher, and she went to call the boy's mom (who have already left church by then). The latter and her son made their way back to church and it seems that the boy is usually quite well-behaved in class, and he could have reacted the way he did as he was irritated by K infringing into his personal space.
What I have realised from these experiences, is that there is still lots to be done to help K improve his social behaviour…sigh.
And dh and I belong to two different ends of the parenting spectrum; he is like the typical male who adopts the 'problem-solving' attitude in all situations, while I am the kind that prefers to 'stay away from trouble' or in this case, stay away from the kid to prevent potential conflict.
It's also clear who is the more protective (kan-cheong) parent, even though I believe dh refuses to admit this as he always says that I mother K too much! 
Juz last week, Josh faced a similar situation. We were in the play area at Macdonald. A 4 yr old boy threw a ball at Josh. Josh did likewise. The boy started pushing him. Josh did likewise. Suddenly he pushed Josh to the floor and started to punch him in the stomach continuously. This was when I stepped into the picture. I told the boy to stop. He refused…and continued punching. In the end, I grabbed the boy’s arm and screamed at him. I went to his mother and told her what her son has done. They left Macdonald shortly after. I’ve seen kids fighting…..but never to that extent. He was very vicious.
Oh gosh…it is terrible how the other boy could be so vicious at such a young age. He seemed to be all out to pick a fight from the start, maybe he watches too much violence on tv and considers it to be a thrill be bullying another child. I would be extremely worried about my kid’s emotional health if I was his mom.
What a coincidence, I’ve just blogged on exactly the same topic yesterday and actually the incident was also at the church playgroup
I do feel you’re very patient though, Kel and I are a lot more confrontational. “)
And I think its perfectly natural for every parent to be protective. They’re our own kids after all.
The first scenario was definitely a case of a bully. The boy was at least 2 years older than K and he unfortunately did not know how to treat a younger child respectfully. Some kids unfortunately are not taught by their parents to treat others with respect, especially those younger and weaker than they are. I preferred not to interfere when I witnessed the bullying, as I felt that it is important that K experienced for himself and learn from it.
Objectively for the 2nd scenario, I think the other boy’s behaviour was mainly incited by Kyle’s over-zealousness. Pushing another child was probably instinctive, although it was a wrong response in this situation. Children at their age are still unable to communicate their emotions and they usually react in ways that are most natural to them, especially since their personal space is being invaded. Again, this is a good lesson learnt for K as well. He needs to learn to behave appropriately in social situations and learn to take turns.