Recently I met someone whom I haven't seen for 10 years or so and I overheard this comment when I was speaking to someone else in the group. (Yes…my hearing is extremely acute, thanks to my 15 years of music training and this hearing ability kind of makes up for my short-sightedness). She asked the person next to her what I was doing at this moment, and the person replied that I am a SAHM. Her response was, "Yes, usually first-time moms tend to be like that."
Tend to be like what I wonder. She is a full time working mom of two, so it is quite interesting how she puts it that way.
I am quite used to comments like that when people find out that I do not have a full-time job. I even heard comments like, "Why do that? You are at the prime of your life. So wasted!" Is it a waste that I am not putting in 12 hours, 5 days a week of my marketing / budget planning/ organisational/ management / negotiation/ general worker skills to help a multinational firm make money for the shareholders? Or it is a waste that I am not earning my keeps and getting the financial independence like all wise women of this generation should?
Usually my response to a comment like that will be, "I have discovered that my calling in life is to be a SAHM." There always be an awkward silence after. I am not sure if they realise that their highly paid, full-time jobs are not really their calling in life, or that they just realise that this women is not too intelligent, so it probably be a waste of their time to comment further.
It is normal how society places these two groups of women; one of the working mom and the other of the SAHM, on the material balance scale and then decide that the role of working mom is of greater value than of a SAHM mom, who do not contribute to the househole income. Indeed it is not easy to work full time and come back home to try to manage a household and discipline / spend time with a child. But what about intrinsic value that a full time mom contributes to the society? With more moms taking the stay at home path these recent years, there will likely be fewer rebellious teens or juvenile delinquents in about 10 – 15 years down the road.
Gone are the days when housewives just take care of the household, cook for the family and take care of the children's and husband's needs. Most of the SAHMs that I know are well-educated, well-read, knowledgeable and are talented in their own unique ways. And we make this choice, with the desire to want to nurture our children full-time and be always there for the family, fully aware of the flak we get from society. Regardless of the society's myopic perception, these SAHMs could likely be nurturing the future leaders, professionals, scholars, artists and atheletes of this nation. So how about the value in that? It will be nice if we get treated with a little more respect for making this choice to be a SAHM.
To each their own. I am just a mom who has decided that staying at home taking care of my child is my calling in life and I have been blessed to be given a chance to pursue my passion.
Kudos to all the fellow SAHMs for making this choice for their lives. And cheers to not to have to feel depressed on Sunday evenings thinking about another long week at work! 
Hah I totally love this post of yours!!! Because, it totally resonates my sentiments! It is sad that most people think very little of SAHMs bec of the impression they had of their own moms or people around them who were once a SAHM or bec of their reluctance of forgoing a cushy pay that they could have to satisfy all their material needs…while failing to see the importance of nurturing their children on their own… having said that I do know of many moms out there who wish to be a SAHM and can’t so I’m (like you), very grateful to have this privilege to be a SAHM and am definitely embracing every moment of my days as a SAHM!
Kudos for voicing this out I think it takes courage to be different to take the route less travelled and be very focused on doing what is the right thing! 
.-= mamabliss´s last blog ..A Day of Imaginative Play =-.
Maybe it’s high time that ST does a write up about SAHMs and get these people out there to change their ideas about SAHMs.
Hi! I was directed here by Pauline.
I quit my job in ’06, and when I first started out I tried to correct everyone and let them know that I was a WAHM, not a SAHM, so I guess I had issues with being home-based too. Four years down the road, I’ve loosened up and am now able to nod politely if someone calls me a “housewife.” (Anyways I work a lot less now!)
My response to the “WHY” question would be simply, “I choose to watch my kid grow up. Why wouldn’t anyone?”
.-= E´s last blog ..How To: Have More Fun With Pictures =-.
Thanks for dropping by, Evelyn. I can imagine the retorts that will come along with your last remark :)…most moms would prefer the material rewards that come along with a full time job (for those who can afford to stay-at-home) and forgo the precious moments to watch their kids grow, and then down the road regret that they missed their growing up years.
Well said rachel!!
I couldn’t have agree more to what you’ve put across here. It’s high time those people get that old idea out of their head!
.-= Rachel´s last blog ..Are You Happy? =-.
People tend to stick to what they are familiar with, especially with their pre-conceived notions. Like what I mentioned to Pauline, maybe it’s about time that mass media do a writeup about the new generation SAHMs.
Actually, i think it is great what u are doing and what u have accomplished – learning blog, this blog…people are always judgemental and quick to pass hurtful, narrow minded comments, but whatever, to each their own. Look past them and the bigger picture, which u are doing. As long as you are fulfilled, nobody can talk u down.
Well…I tend to look past it although I am whingeing about it on my blog. If I didn’t, the party that made those comments will not be spared a sarcastic retort from me 😉
Clap clap! (And I’ll give you a standing ovation!) I’ve people who keep asking me to go back to teaching after my studies, and wondering why I’m choosing to stay home. And even my aunt asked me how I did it, and said she’ll go nuts if she had to stay home to take care of her kids! I agree with the “To each his own”, and here’s to all SAHMs for making a difference in our families!
.-= Jus´s last blog ..Weekend wonderings: Opposites attract? =-.
Oh yes, I tend to get comments of this sort from the older generation. I guess most of tend to think along the lines of the importance of women earning their own keep, plus I think many in their generation only focused on care-giving for their child. Seems that children during their time tend to be left to entertain themselves and they did not know how to teach their child in ways like how we are doing now.
I like this post. But well, I never feel anything “wrong” when people call me a housewife. I think I don’t need other people to judge who am I. I am who I am. A SAHM for my child!
.-= sunflower´s last blog ..More Experiences with Woodlands Waterfront =-.
Call us home-maker, housewife whatever…a rose by any other name will still smell as sweet
We are a contented lot and that’s all that matters.
Some people are still in the old paradigm of SAHMs being the dowdy, unwitting and uneducated types. Ok maybe the dowdy part is still true for me on certain days, but the point is like you I’ve met SAHMS that were ex-lawyers, PR consultants, accountants, magazine editors but they took that huge step because they realise nothing – yes, nothing! can replace that personal touch of a mother to a child.
On the other hand, people look at the impressive qualifications of some SAHMS and get all puzzled as to why we would do such a thing. It is so typical of our local culture to measure everything in economic terms, dollars and cents. If it doesn’t make economic sense – its a waste.
We’re in for the long haul certainly, to see our kids grow up and maximize their potential as a person but I’m loving the journey too every step of the way. Its tough, its thankless 364 days of the week (sans Mother’s Day) but I have absolutely no regrets.
.-= Daphne´s last blog ..It was a rather Hort Day =-.
I echo your sentiments. This has been the best job (if it can be still qualified as one) I have ever done and nothing is more rewarding then to watch your own child blossom daily.
I have similar experience too!
Many friends and relatives having the same comment : what a waste!! I just give a smile back!! After all is MY LIFE!
I guess this is a typical reaction to our so call ‘status’ in society. Indeed, we have made this choice for our lives and we really don’t need to prove anything to anyone.
Rachel, what a wonderful post which I totally agree!!! I had the same prob/comments too. From EVERYONE, including my own mom. And to think she was a housewife.
When I officially became a mom and stayed at home, I really felt lousy. Even some days now when the going gets tough. I really wonder if it was the right decision. Even more so when I see women all dressed and decked with the latest handbags and high heels ready to go to work!
But at the end of the day when the wind has blown over, I cannot feel more blessed that I have this opportunity to spend these precious, precious times(years) with Kimi.
I was supposed to return to work when Kimi turns 3 but I’ve decided I can’t stay away from him. And I wouldn’t want to trade my job now for the corporate world. I’d rather report and cajole my little boss than play footsie at meetings.
I know most moms fret when sch hols are coming but I cant wait for every sch hols to come cos I just love spending time with K. Kids are just too precious, they grow up so fast!
In fact, these days I see the working moms as the under-priviledged ones. We are so blessed to be able to grow with our kids, can we even put a dollar value to that? In years to come, we cannot imagine the bond we would have developed with them. What price is that? And how about those precious memories? How to measure?
I once read somewhere, that, “if the Human bonding can be bottled and sold, that person would be a millionaire many times over”. Really SAHMs should not be looked over.
Great quote! When I first became a SAHM, I used to think that this path will be short-term as I wasn’t sure how I was able to adjust to not having a job and facing my kid all day. Despite the tough days I face at home with an extremely challenging tot, like you, I still can’t bear the thought of working 10-12 hours a day and leaving Kyle in the care of someone else. Staying at home is still the most rewarding ‘job’ I have had so far!
Great post! I wonder what your friend meant by “first time mums are like that”. I thought the more kids you have, the more you should stay home for them. I like what you’ve said, that being a SAHM is a calling. I guess not many can agree with that but it doesn’t matter. At least we will have no regrets 20 years down the road.
.-= Ing´s last blog ..Foam Play =-.
Hmm…maybe having more kids have become really challenging and she has become jaded as a result? I can only guess what she meant by her comment. Like what you mentioned before, “Mothers should really stay at home for their children (if husbands can afford it)”. Kids these days are not like children in our generation or past, they are smarter, more challenging and rebellious as a result. Taking the effort to build the bond in their crucial growing years will be worthwhile down the road. I don’t want to wait till my kid is 12 and then decide that I should stay at home to coach him, that will probably be too late by then.
hi, yr post is interesting….wat i feel is to each his own, some pple enjoy wking and some enjoy staying at home
mbe some mums who work dun like sahms who “slime”them that they are hvg a gd life as sahms as compared to them who hv to work
in any case i m a wking mum and look forward to gg back to work on sundays…..i feel that i do not have the patience to stay at home to look after my kids and i thk that wking outside is good for me..
i feel that after wking, i look forward to seeing my kids..i hv tried staying at home but find that it just shortens my tempers thats all and i get vy moody and frustrated..no one can say any one or the other is a better solution……one mans meat is another mans poison
in conclusion……to each his own!!!
It’s interesting to hear from a working mom on my post. Sure, it is every mother’s choice to make, to work or stay at home. I guess it’s important ultimately that you know what you want in life, and have no regrets down the road. That’s how life should be isn’t it, never look back on ‘I should have-s’, but do the best looking forward.
Wonderfully put! Thankfully in my life I’ve never met anyone who’s been unpleasant about SAHMs, although I did have one terrible question posed to me: “So what do you at home all day?” LOL as you can imagine I was all riled up but I realize it’s not easy for a non-SAHM to imagine the life of one.
I believe that’s why most women choose not to be a SAHM, they have a notion that it is totally mundane and a waste of their intelligence and education.
though i am a working mum myself, i never ever think that being a SAHM is a waste of one’s prime time. In fact, after working for quite a few years, trying to climb up the corporate ladder, i had been asking myself this question: “Why am i working so hard for a company that is not MINE?? I could have contributed to society via the indirect route of educating my own son at home!”
Frankly speaking, deep in my heart, I do wish to be a SAHM one day if my hubby is able to support the household demands. This is something that is ‘bothering’ me for a while and I guess I really have to set my priorities in life right.
well said rachel!
Being a SAHM is not easy ok… I know many mothers who’d rather pay a babysitter to look after their kid or send them to daycare just to avoid being ‘suffocated’ at home…..
Sorry to say that, but that lady was so tactless!
i say kudos to you too! can i be like you when i grow up? haha
This post is well said. I am one of those FTWM aspiring to be a SAHM some day.
However, in my opinion being a SAHM is a privilege that not all can afford given Singapore’s high standards of living. FYI, I come from a family where my dad was the sole bread winner and it was a real strain on him. I do not want my other half to go through the same situation. Of course to all other women out that, if your other half can meet the demands of the family on a single income, by all means do it.
I definitely agree that many SAHMs are educated and well qualified and I salute them for making the sacrifices to stay at home and dedicate their time to their children and family.
Yes I agree with you, not everyone can afford to be a SAHM. I had to take a cut from my lifestyle choices when I made this step; fewer holidays, no private property, no own transport etc. No complains for other things tho, we still get more than adequate food on the table, eat out during the weekends and bills are paid. It is still a good choice to make for moms who may not be good multi-taskers, like me, I don’t think I will fulfill my mothering role very well, if I had to keep up a regional 830pm – 800pm job 5 days a week.