My faith has always been a key part of my life, but in recent years, I have stopped being a conventional Christian.
Since June 2013, I have decided that I don’t want to attend Church anymore. After leaving a mega-church in 2007, attending 4 other churches between the periods of 2007-2013, and then deciding I had enough of playing church and will exit churchanity.
This is a controversial issue and I have been keeping silent about it for some time, but I have decided to share my experience and explain my stance on this decision, as I hope not to be misunderstood by friends around me who are Christians.
Beginning of 2007, things begin to change for me. I started searching the bible, and I realized that what I was hearing in this certain mega-church I was attending was getting stale. It was always the grace message, repeated over and over like a broken recorder, and I came to a point that the message that was preached in church did not explain the countless questions that I had. Was Christianity really like what the pastor said? “God only wants to bless you…trust that you have a God that want to give your good things, ask and you will receive, seek and you will find, you will reign in life like Christ Jesus…”
Obviously I was far from reigning in life, with the countless challenges that I encountered in life, the church, the fellow church friends couldn’t answer why I still faced challenges and difficulties that never seemed to ceased. I really didn’t feel like that champion Christian that the pastor preached about in his sermons and started questioning whether it was my faith that undermined the hope that God will answer my prayers.
I started searching the bible, when I realized that no one could answer the questions that I had. The final push out of the mega-church church was when I realized that what the pastor was preaching was contrary to what I found out from the bible and I could not understand why the congregation were exclaiming loud ‘Amens’ to the things that the pastor spoke. The teaching was making them comfortable to sin, about how we are all forgiven for our past, present and future sin, for us not to be worried about our sins, because we are righteous people because of Jesus. And then how we are to positively confess daily that “We are the righteousness of God in Christ” and not look or worry about our sin. That sermon, and many other sermons of the same grain after that made me uncomfortable, and searching through the bible the last couple of months confirmed what I heard to be contrary to what the bible says about sin. I asked myself, “How about being obedient to God, following the will of God? Why doesn’t the pastor ever mention that at all?” or “It is really all about me, my needs and what God can do for me?”
After that season, I convinced hb that I wanted to change church. Hb had no problems with the sermons at all, and more so the church, since we have been attending the past 7-8 years and had many friends there. But we move on, to 4 other churches in the next 6 years but never felt ‘at home’ anywhere. So I finally decided after 6 years that I don’t want to go to church anymore.
It has been difficult coming out of institutionalized church, especially with the initial guilt that I felt, and the perceived lack of fellowship with other Christians. It has been an understanding amongst many christian church-goers, that the more you don’t attend church, the more you will wander from the ‘right’ path. This is a lie. I know it as instead of being further away from the ‘right path’, I have learnt to depend on the inerrant truth in the bible, depend on Jesus fully to lead me on the path He wants me to go, let God speak and confirm through the Holy Spirit through what I read directly from the bible daily, and not to depend on doctrines taught by a man or pastor.
It has been hard finding Christians in Singapore going through the same circumstances, but I thank God for the fellowship of other Christians internationally that I have found through the internet that have been experiencing the same thing. This article that I read during the weekends really spoke to me; No fellowship, no problem!
So, in whatever journey, even in the ‘wilderness alone’ we have been called to undertake in our spiritual walk, I am sure there will be a purpose in it all.
On a separate note, I will likely be continuing sharing my thoughts about ‘This thing we call Church in Singapore’ in the next post.
Hi Rachel. I’m not so sure if I can pursue the word of God like you. I only know that when we are at church, we are rejuvenated, at peace and feel absolute love by God. Surely, this feeling don’t come so easily if you have not found the right church to call home. And I can say for sure, if it’s not God’s doing to bless us, we cannot say whom else is doing so for us. I understand the grace message – it’s really not about “wanting to sin” and that “its ok to sin”. It’s about knowing we are already forgiven at the cross that make us oblivious to sins and therefore, sin no more.
Anyway, I respect your pursuit. It’s not easy and I admire what you are doing. I still need my guidance from pastor. :p
Rachel Reply:
August 26th, 2013 at 12:59 pm
Ade, actually grace has always been pivotal to the salvation message, but so is the repentance, sanctification and obedience, which I felt is lacking from the church. What you said, is very familiar echoes of exactly what the Pastor always say about sin. Do we really truly ‘sin no more’, even when we know that we are forgiven. I don’t buy into the effortless Christianity message, in fact, it is damn hard, so do we do not try at all to turn away from it? And then say, ‘It doesn’t matter that I sin, since I am already forgiven.’ Then the cycle continues, or as the Pastor advises, don’t look at sin cause it makes us sin conscious and we will have a tendency to sin. I think the Pastor really thinks too highly of the carnality of humans. But despite it all, I think that should not stop us from trying to be an obedient child that desires to please our Heavenly Father above all else. But I don’t believe in works-based christianity either. If you study the books of Peter, Paul’s letters in Corinthians, Galatians, Ephesians, Timothy etc. Even Paul admitted the race is tough, the walk is not effortless Christianity that is preached. Also there are more than the ‘bless me’ messages in the bible, we can’t just focus on those and neglect the other parts of the bible that sure don’t sound good, and frankly, there is a fair share of that in the bible.
The mega church sounds really familiar…. I do not believe that you have to attend church to be a faithful believer of God. as long as you do as his bidding and walk closely and faithfully, that is more than enough. Christianity is a personal journey between you and god. Nothing to do with a Church. that is just me personal opinion.
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Rachel Reply:
August 26th, 2013 at 1:01 pm
Agreed, it is a personal journey. The more we shouldn’t let one man or teacher tell you what you should do or should not do. I think we don’t trust the Holy Spirit in us, the bible, and is more comfortable to someone telling us what is right or wrong.
Hi Rachel, thanks for this post and sharing the last article. It spoke to me in many ways. I have been to a number of churches but have not found one which I can say is home. Sure, the fellow church goers are very nice but spiritually, I feel lacking. I can’t pin it down. I have been told to go to more cell groups and give up more of my time (whilst juggling with everything else) to work for the church. I now find studying the bible and prayer when I’m alone to be the best time with God, and to be invigorated by His word.
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Can I also share that I have not been doing to church since 2011. Hmm for me its a different story altogether. I also believe not being to attend church doesnt mean our faith is lesser in Him. It also doesnt mean that He is not watching anymore. My prayers still tells me that He is still bestowing us with alot of His blessings.
and I am one contented girl spiritually.
Thanks for sharing so candidly Rachel. It is indeed food for thought.
I have had highs and lows in my Christian walk for the past 10+ years as well, and I count myself blessed to be with friends who stood by me. I think I have grown much much more as well.
Whatever your decision, I respect it, and praying for God’s best for your life!
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It is mentioned in the OT that God likes the like-minded to gather together to worship Him. When the Israelites were in exodus, they had to carry the ark of covenant along & build tabernacle. This signified the importance of Public Worship. The command to congregate continued in the NT when Christ had risen, as mentioned in Acts.
Pray that you will not stop searching for a sound church where you can settle in & enjoy the real essence of Christian fellowship.
Hope you will find this sermon edifying:
http://www.gethsemanebpc.com/plugins/content/sermons/?o=1&aID=1563
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Hi Rachel, I know how you feel. If I’m not wrong, perhaps we were from the same mega-church starting with N and ends with a C? ;p Anyways, we left church for a while too though not entirely due to its teaching, rather we felt sort of ‘kick out’ due to some stuff we were going through at that point in time. I felt that they weren’t really practising what they were preaching and alot of them judged based on hear say which I felt was wrong. And throughout it all, I felt more positive and happier then when I was attending the church. It felt like a veil has lifted, like what the Pastor also like to say. So anyway, we didn’t attend anymore although I went back for a few services this year.
I think you’re really brave in this spiritual journey and not many could have done what you did.
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Thanks for sharing and it is wonderful when your greatest desire is to simply build your relationship with God.
About not attending church anymore, we simply have to agree to disagree on this. But I do pray you don’t give up on church totally. It’s in church where there’s people come together and seek God. And it’s something that humbles me esp when there’s deep sharing & when there’s salvations.
In any case, praying you have plenty plenty experiences with God and beautiful encounters with Him.
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Hi Rachel thanks for sharing so candidly about your journey with the Lord. It is heartening to read about how you earnestly seek Him and how you have such a strong desire to learn the truth from His Word. I agree that church as an institution can have the effect of pulling people away from God instead of towards Him.
From my limited experience however, having regular fellowship with fellow believers, where the group helps in interceding for one another and holding each other accountable has been very helpful in my walk with the Lord. I’m not sure if you already have such a group that you journey with but I pray that you will find one! Hugs
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i’m not a Christian, nor a Catholic or anything too religious for that matter – my mom is a bhuddist, dad is a taoist, my siblings and some relatives are christians, and i was in a convent school for 11 years. i never found ‘home’ in any religion, probably cos of that. but whenever i feel the need to pray, i do my best to address all four religions that i have had a chance to experience in my life, and make it a point to say it in both English and Chinese (to my best ability), so that my grandparents watching over me can understand too.
having been around all these different religions made me believe that there are many greater beings up there looking down and caring for us, some being our ancestors, aiding us in our journey of life.
i guess what i’m trying to say is… regardless of whether one attends church, or visits the temple, or not at all, my believe is that, as long as you’re faithful in your religious journey, you won’t lose out to your religion’s Great One’s love to those who attend daily/weekly/monthly. cos to me, at the end of the day, it is your own interpretation of the words of the Great One that will support you in your journey in life.
for me, i live by words of four different religions that spoke to me.
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Sorry to hear this. I pray that God will give u fresh revelation of His grace and love to u and yr family. The bible says ‘For where 2 or more have gathered in My name, I am in their midst”
God bless u.